The Power of Vulnerability and Genuine Interest. Interview with Alessandra Gailey

As I sat down with Alessandra Gailey, a behavioural psychologist with a passion for purpose-driven work, I couldn't help but feel a sense of kinship. We both shared a deep fascination with the role of rituals in fostering cohesive teams - a topic that has become increasingly important in our fast-paced and overwhelming work environments.

Alessandra began by sharing her own journey, explaining how she had left previous jobs due to a lack of trust in leadership. "Trust for me is the number one," she emphasised. 

"I cannot function if I cannot feel like I have the psychological safety to be there and be able to speak up and be able to be vulnerable."

This struck a chord with me, as I've witnessed firsthand how guarded relationships and a lack of trust can cripple team dynamics. Alessandra went on to describe her approach to building trust with her team, which centers around vulnerability and genuine interest.

"I try to establish relationships with them by being vulnerable and genuinely interested in understanding what drives them," she explained. "I don't try and show up as the leader who knows everything - I'm there to help them and remove the barriers, and be vulnerable."

This idea of vulnerability as a leadership trait is a powerful one, and it's something I've seen in my own work as a leader. When managers are willing to admit their own doubts, fears, and areas for growth, it creates a space for team members to do the same. It fosters a sense of psychological safety that is essential for high performance. As Alessandra pointed out, this isn't always the cultural norm in corporate environments. 

This delicate balance is crucial. Managers must be willing to lead by example, but also be attuned to the needs and comfort levels of their team members. It's about creating an environment where vulnerability is welcomed, but not forced.

Alessandra's emphasis on genuine interest in her team members is another key factor in building trust and high performance. 

"I want to genuinely know what drives them," she said. "So that can be part of our relationship at work."

By taking the time to understand what motivates and inspires each individual, managers can tailor their approach and support in a way that truly resonates. This level of personalised attention can go a long way in fostering engagement and commitment.

"How do you demonstrate that?" Alessandra mused. "Just being genuine and when we're having conversations, it could be simple things like, oh, this happened in that meeting. How did it make you feel? Like, I know I have some imposter syndrome."

Alessandra's willingness to openly share her own feelings and insecurities is a powerful example of this vulnerability in action. By modelling this behavior, she creates an environment where team members feel safe to do the same.

This concept of validating and supporting team members is another crucial aspect of high-performance team dynamics that Alessandra highlighted. 

"If they need to go through a challenge, I want to validate that I see that that's difficult. How do I help you now go through that," she said.

Rather than simply pushing team members to overcome their challenges, Alessandra focuses on acknowledging the difficulty and then collaborating on solutions. This empathetic approach can make all the difference in helping individuals navigate obstacles and reach their full potential.

As I listened to Alessandra, I couldn't help but reflect on my own experiences in building high-performing teams. Time and time again, I've seen how the lack of these interpersonal elements - vulnerability, genuine interest, and validation - can hold teams back.

In one startup I was involved with, the relationships between the leadership team were trusted and open. So when it was really, really busy, we still enjoyed ourselves, we found support and connection at work. We still felt good despite the pressure. Then in another startup I worked in, there were guarded relationships. And those guarded relationships meant that when it was really busy. We didn’t have genuine connections and there was clarity of intent missing. And when the trust is not there and you have a gap, you just fill it with the worst. It’s human nature to revert to a negative bias.

This lack of trust and understanding led to a vicious cycle of assumptions and resentment, ultimately hampering the team's ability to perform at its best. In contrast, the teams where I've seen the most success were those where we had invested time in building genuine connections and creating spaces for vulnerability.

If you can design protected spaces with agreed behaviours, such as a ‘Stop this Train’ which could be an agreed behaviour. As long as it's been agreed in advance and everyone understands how to use the behavior ‘Stop this train’ then it doesn't matter if you're the CEO, or the head of a department or an intern. Anyone can use that behaviour, you have a gamified culture and it encourages team confidence.

This idea of creating intentional rituals and designing spaces where team members feel empowered to speak up and challenge the status quo is crucial. It's about establishing a shared understanding and commitment to the team's success, regardless of individual roles or hierarchies.

Alessandra nodded in agreement, sharing her own personal rituals that help her find focus and allow her to recharge. 

"My rituals are very much about physical exercising, because it gets my mind completely off the spiralling. If I am exercising, running or strength training and also baking, I need to focus. It's when I'm in the zone, because I focus. It's very precise, and I love that."

Her description of baking as a form of "active meditation" resonated with me. These types of intentional practices, whether it's cooking, exercise, or something else, can provide a much-needed respite from the constant demands of work. They allow us to reconnect with ourselves and return to our teams with a renewed sense of purpose and clarity.

As we wrapped up our conversation, I couldn't help but feel inspired by Alessandra's insights. The importance of vulnerability, genuine interest, and validation in building high-performing teams is undeniable. And the role of rituals in creating the space for these interpersonal elements to thrive is equally crucial.

In the end, it all comes down to the fundamental human needs that drive us - the desire to be seen, heard, and supported. When managers can tap into these needs and create an environment that fosters trust, empathy, and a shared sense of purpose, the results can be truly transformative.

Studies have found that when team members feel safe to take risks, share ideas, and admit mistakes, it leads to higher levels of creativity, innovation, and overall performance (Edmondson, 1999). Conversely, guarded relationships and a lack of trust can create a vicious cycle of assumptions and resentment, hampering a team's ability to function at its best.

Alessandra's approach of leading with vulnerability and genuine curiosity about her team members' motivations and challenges is a powerful antidote to this. By modelling this behavior, she creates an environment where team members feel comfortable opening up and collaborating in meaningful ways.

And to finish off with some practical actions:

1. Embrace vulnerability: Lead by example and be willing to share your own doubts, fears, and areas for growth. This creates a safe space for team members to do the same.
   
   
2. Cultivate genuine interest: Take the time to understand what truly motivates and inspires each team member. Use this knowledge to tailor your approach and support.
   
   
3. Validate and support: Acknowledge the challenges your team members face, and collaborate with them to find solutions. This empathetic approach can make all the difference in helping individuals reach their full potential.

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By incorporating these principles and leveraging the power of rituals, you can unlock the full potential of your teams, fostering a culture of trust, collaboration, and high performance.

Big thanks to Alessandra Gailey. Really valuable insights and tips to take away. This interview is part of a research series for The Ritual Playbook for Managers

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